The first time I tried breathwork, I had no idea what to expect. I had practiced different types of meditation in the past. I had also had some powerful guided meditation experiences with a close friend and with my wife, which were deeply spiritual and sacred.

So I went into it with some understanding that meditation can be an effective tool for connection, healing, mindfulness, and receiving personal revelation. But this setting, the modality, the ambiance were all different.

I had been in a bit of a mental/emotional funk at that time. The voices of self-criticism were loud, and the instinct to numb, to distract, to avoid sitting alone in my own space was strong.

I had the desire to feel more self-acceptance, self-love, and love for my family — in particular, a relationship with one of my kids that was feeling strained at the time. I began the practice lying down on a mat with a blanket over my legs and feet and wearing an eye mask, and initially was very much focused on the physical — the feeling of dryness from breathing through the mouth, the sound of the music, the tingling sensation in my fingers, the newness of it all… After several minutes, my thoughts started to form into a kind of prayer that said, “God is above all of this. God is above all of this…”

Then I felt the words come to me, like a swell and a wave that built up and crashed over me, “Be free.” Be free from the criticism, the judgment, the shame, the doubt. Be free from all of it. It washed over me and through me and I wept at the relief, the love, the grace. My heart felt light — the kind of light that shines — and whole.

My attention shifted toward my family and I thought of my wife and each child by name and focused on the love I felt for each of them. It was abundant to overflowing — especially for my child with whom I was feeling that tension. The strain I had felt was swallowed up in love.