Relearning repentance
When you hear the word “repentance,” what kinds of emotions, feelings, thoughts come to mind? Does the word carry positive or negative connotations or associations?
I recently sat in a lesson on the topic of “enduring to the end” and was struck when I heard the teacher say, “sometimes along the path we have to repent, which hurts. If it doesn’t hurt, it’s not repentance.”
If it doesn’t hurt, it’s not repentance... These words echoed in my mind for quite some time. They brought to mind the way I used to think about repentance, which is that repentance equals hurt, repentance equals pain, repentance equals suffering, repentance equals shame. Repentance means I’m in trouble and I should feel bad. Repentance means I have to go through 5 steps before I can be forgiven and cleansed and feel better.
When I asked a moment ago about the word repentance, did any of you have these kinds of associations? I would not be surprised if many of you felt similarly.
Why is this the case? In the church we often talk about keeping the commandments, about being worthy, and about enduring to the end. We are called Latter-Day Saints. The title Saint is a high standard to live up to. Many of us might believe that the Lord’s plan for us on this earth is to live in total obedience and endure to the end to be exalted. We can easily think that this is plan A: keep the commandments, obey perfectly, and avoid any errors. Then, if and when we make a mistake, oh no, we have to resort to plan B: Repentance. So we shamefully go through the repentance process, feeling bad about ourselves, about falling short, about being disobedient, being unworthy, and try to get back on the track of plan A, hoping to never have to resort to plan B again. So no wonder we might have these negative associations with the word repentance — it means we failed at what we think is the Lord’s plan for us.
Perfect obedience never was plan A. Perfect obedience and a sinless life sounds a lot like an alternative plan which was rejected in the pre-existence. Repentance and the Atonement are not plan B, they are plan A. As soon as the Fall of Adam and Eve transpired, plan A set its course, and our loving Heavenly Parents provided a Savior. Repentance is the means by which the atonement works for us. This was always plan A. There is no plan B, or C, or D, there is no other means by which we can progress and become exalted. The plan is the Atonement, repentance, grace, and eternal progress.
In the scriptures and through modern prophets, God frequently commands all men everywhere to repent. He already knows that we need it, these are the conditions of our mortal experience. So if we do repent, according to the true meaning of the word, then we are in fact keeping his commandments. To state it simply, when we repent, we ARE keeping God’s commandments. That may sound like a contradiction! You may think, if I am keeping the commandments, why would I need to repent? I believe that is because we misunderstand the concept of repentance.
It’s also not surprising that we might have misconceptions when we dig into the root of the word a little deeper. The Latin translation of the word for repentance is poenitere, which has similar roots to the English words for punishment and penance. In this lens, repentance easily takes on a meaning of pain, suffering, or physical and emotional punishment. It’s no wonder that the concept can be misunderstood.
Elder Theodore Burton said,
“Actually, in some ways it is easier to understand what repentance is not than to understand what it is. As a General Authority, I have prepared information for the applications to readmit repentant transgressors into the Church and to restore priesthood and temple blessings. Many times a bishop will write, ‘I feel he has suffered enough!’ But suffering is not repentance. Suffering comes from lack of complete repentance. A stake president will write, ‘I feel he has been punished enough!’ But punishment is not repentance. Punishment follows disobedience and precedes repentance. A husband will write, ‘My wife has confessed everything!’ But confession is not repentance. Confession is an admission of guilt that occurs as repentance begins. A wife will write, ‘My husband is filled with remorse!’ But remorse is not repentance. Remorse and sorrow continue because a person has not yet fully repented. Suffering, punishment, confession, remorse, and sorrow may sometimes accompany repentance, but they are not repentance. What, then, is repentance?”
When the writers of the Old Testament spoke of repentance, they used the term shube. The meaning of this word is “to turn back to.” I would suggest that this does not mean returning back to our original state, to a state of innocence. This would counter the very purpose of our existence which is to progress, knowing good from evil, and become like our Heavenly Parents. I believe it suggests that repentance means turning away from darkness, error, idols, evil, hatred, grudges, despair, prejudice, false doctrines, unrighteousness, etc. and to turn back to God, where there is light, truth, love, hope, knowledge, righteousness, etc.
We can also look to the Greek word for repentance used frequently in the New Testament, metanoeo. It’s meaning refers to a “change [of]...mind, thought, thinking, or spirit” (The Meaning of Repentance, Elder Theodore M. Burton, August 1988, Ensign).
I also love, love the definition of repentance in the Bible Dictionary. It clarifies the meaning further, “Repentance: The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world.”
I have a good friend who commented on this definition in such a brilliant way — he said, “that sounds a lot like having an epiphany.” I would even suggest that this sounds a lot like revelation. Please note that nowhere in this definition is there mention of hurt, pain, shame, or suffering.
If repentance denotes a change of mind and fresh view about God, oneself and the world, then the condition that exists prior to repentance would be the opposite of a change of mind — being static, or resistant to change. The familiar terms from the Book of Mormon come to mind, “hard-hearted” and “stiff-necked.” Pride comes to mind. This pre-repentant condition would also suggest an incorrect or a false view about God, about oneself, and about the world. When we think about why we transgress, what is typically at the root of these behaviors?
False beliefs about God: If I believe God doesn’t know me, love me, or care about me, then why would I keep His commandments? If I think God doesn’t hear my prayers, why pray? Why read the scriptures? Why go to church? If I have a false belief that God is heartless, or cruel, or doesn’t exist at all, why love Him and keep His commandments?
False beliefs about oneself: If I believe that I am worthless, alone, unlovable, bad, unworthy, dumb, hopeless, ugly, pathetic, a bad spouse, a bad child, a bad parent, etc., what kind of behaviors will those beliefs lead me to? If I subscribe to those beliefs, I am much more likely to commit sin, to punish myself, or oddly enough, to prove that those lies about myself are true. When you’ve made a mistake have you ever heard a voice inside your head say, “see, I told you, you weren’t good enough,” or that you were worthless, or a fool, or hopeless or whatever lie the adversary would have you believe? Please note that these thoughts do not come from the Holy Ghost.
On the other end of the spectrum are false beliefs linked to pride, such as, I’m right and everyone else is wrong, I can do this myself, I don’t need to ask for forgiveness, I’m glad I’m not like that person, etc. President Benson warned that pride leads to, “faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.” He also emphasized that the proud derive their sense of worth from being above somebody else whether in achievement, talent, beauty, or intellect.
False beliefs about the world: It is quite easy to get caught up in the matters of the world and forget all about our divine nature. Consider our state of mind and spirit if we care more about the opinions of others than about the truths of God or the teachings of the Prophet. There are times when we may fear the world or fear man more than God, which would tempt us to shrink, or to lie, or to cover our sins. If we highly esteem the praise and honors of the world, how might that affect the way we esteem time with our families, or connecting with God, or opportunities to serve others?
We also hear so much rhetoric of demonization of others and contention in the news and in politics. If I believe that other people out there, especially those that are different than me in whatever way, are generally evil or out to get me in some way, how will I behave towards them?
Elder Klebingat made this statement: “The adversary...will seek access to your heart to tell you lies—lies that Heavenly Father is disappointed in you, that the Atonement is beyond your reach, that there is no point in even trying, that everyone else is better than you, that you are unworthy, and a thousand variations of that same evil theme.”
We have often heard and learned that the first step of repentance is to recognize the sin. Given what we have just reviewed about the meaning of repentance, I would suggest that this step is not to recognize the action alone, but to recognize the underlying false belief, the root — that false or incorrect view we may have about God, about oneself, or about the world, that leads us to err.
It is not always easy to dig deep and to find these false beliefs. And when we do find them, they can feel very raw and make us feel very vulnerable. These are, after all, the things we try to hide from others and often from ourselves.
This is where I believe the “pain” association comes into repentance. But I want to emphasize that the hurt is associated with the error, the false beliefs, the lies. It is not and should not be equated to repentance itself.
Repentance is the opposite of pain. It is healing. It is relief. It is replacing that error with light and truth. It is a fresh view. It is revelation. It is progress.
We read the words of Jesus Christ in Doctrine & Covenants, section 19:16; he declares, “I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent.”
Alma describes repentance as follows,
“Yea, these records and their words brought them unto repentance; that is, they brought them to the knowledge of the Lord their God, and to rejoice in Jesus Christ their Redeemer.” (Alma 37:9)
Observe how he restates repentance in that scripture — they were brought to a knowledge of God and Jesus Christ, or a fresh view about God.
He also describes this repentance experience in Alma 36:17-19:
“...while I was thus harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remember also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.
Now as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heard: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.
And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!”
My good friend Tara taught me a simple exercise of how to replace false beliefs with truth. When you identify the lie, you simply ask, in prayer, if it is true. I testify to you that if you ask this question in sincerity of heart, the Holy Ghost will prompt you to answer unequivocally, “no, that is a false belief.” You then must ask, “what is the truth?” If you ask and seek with sincerity, the Spirit will reveal the magnificent, beautiful, eternal truth to you about God, about ourselves and about the world. This is the moment of revelation. And the truth is usually the very opposite of the false belief. This is the moment, as Alma described in his conversion experience, where we feel joy and behold marvelous light, as exceeding as was the pain.
As an example, if you held a false belief that you are of little or no worth, the Spirit will reveal to you that you are of infinite worth to Him. There is great power in saying this truth aloud in the form of an “I am” statement. I am of infinite worth. I am loved. I am a son or daughter of God who knows and loves me.
The beauty of this process is that it is continual, it is progression. Even after identifying false beliefs and replacing them with truth, others may begin to surface. Or we may fall back into the same false beliefs, especially those to which we are most vulnerable. But repentance is always available. Revelation is always available. Truth is always available. “The arms of mercy are extended..., and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you.” (Alma 5: 33)
In the last general conference, Elder Dale G. Renlund shared an anecdote about Nelson Mandela who spent 27 years imprisoned for his role in the antiapartheid struggle in South Africa. His forgiveness of those who had imprisoned him was incredible, and he was given much praise and acclaim for his saint-like behavior. Mandela would deflect these praises with this phrase, “I’m no saint — that is, unless you think a saint is a sinner who keeps on trying.”
President Thomas S. Monson has taught, “One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.”
And from Elder Klebingat, “Embrace the Atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance as things that are to be welcomed and applied daily according to the Great Physician’s orders. Establish an attitude of ongoing, happy, joyful repentance by making it your lifestyle of choice.” Did you hear that? Happy, joyful repentance. When we strip away those misconceptions about repentance, it is in fact a joy.
For me personally, repentance has been the means to feel encircled about in the arms of His love, to truly desire to sing the song of redeeming love. Those phrases did not hold very much meaning to me until I began to understand and experience repentance in its true form.
I am eternally grateful for my wife and how her faith has facilitated miracles in my life. There is a real power in collective faith. In fact, this principle of combined faith is a great reason to speak with trusted loved ones, including the bishop. Confession is another one of those concepts that can be misunderstood, but the purpose of confession is not for someone to know what you’ve done to judge you, confession is for you to relieve the burden you carry. It invites trusted loved ones into your healing process and adds their faith to yours as you learn, grow, and change. When our faith is combined, greater miracles occur. We discover the truth about God, about ourselves, and about the world.
I am so grateful for a Savior who is my Light and Life, and that in Him, through Him, and because of Him, I can receive grace for grace, I can change, and I can progress, as He kindly, mercifully, patiently, and lovingly walks with me to the end.